la Matriarch

I like the concept of Facebook and honestly, there are a few old friends I  keep hoping will find me there, but it has yet to happen.  Instead, I’m constantly being taken back to my awkward high school days, reminded of shit that I regret handling the way I did.  There are a few people I definitely should have cussed out, or maybe beat up.  Case-in-point…

There’s a chick that went to my high school who ran off with my prom date.  On prom night!  I almost didn’t attend my prom.  I didn’t have a boyfriend at the time so it didn’t make much sense, but everybody convinced me that I’d regret it, so I ended up going with the good friend of one of my best friends.  He was a nice guy but I really didn’t have any romantic intentions towards him since I barely knew him.  A group of girls I hung out with met at a restaurant with our respective dates for dinner before heading over to the prom.  I remember thinking how handsome and nice this one girl’s date seemed but he really didn’t say much at dinner - he seemed really shy.  At the prom I didn’t notice anything fishy between the this girl and my date but at a party afterwards, my date was suddenly missing for a long time.  When I asked where he was, everybody got all weird with me then finally told me that he’d left the party with this girl.  I’m pretty sure they had sex and from that night on, she was a skanky whore as far as I was concerned.  We never spoke about it and I never found out what happened to her date. “Thanks for spending all that money on your tux, car rental and expensive dinner, honey.  I’ll get my own ride home.”  If that had happened to me today, I’d really let her have it but back then I was just trying to be invisible.  Besides, my prom date leaving me for another girl at the prom just crushed my already fragile ego and I was horrified for anybody to know about it. 

Years after the prom when my parents were relocating from Memphis to Nashville, I ran across my prom pictures.  It was the ones I’d ordered from the professional photographers - a 5×7 and a million wallet sized ones.  (I had no idea he’d ditch me later when I ordered them)  One set included all us girls standing side-by-side in our dresses, with our foot propped up on my date who was laying on the floor in front of us grinning like he was in heaven.  I think it was supposed to be like us asserting our woman-ness over him - you know, walking all over him?  When I found those pictures, all the emotions I should have had that night came flooding in and in dramatic fashion I went to burn them on the lawn.  My little brother was warning me about the dangers of fire the entire time I was gathering matches and preparing for the finale.  It was the fall and the grass was dead, which I did not realize until I set the pictures afire and dropped them on the ground.  The wind blew and the fire swept across our yard and in that moment I suddenly understood wildfires.  I burnt our entire yard and if it weren’t for the quick response of my little brother I’d probably have burned down somebody else’s house (we’d already sold it). 

So, you know where I’m going with this.  This skanky whore is on Facebook and a friend of all the people I hung out with from high school.  Not only that, she sent me a friend request.  Bitch please!  I’m not over it and you’re still a skanky whore as far as I’m concerned!

In addition to the anger seeing her on Facebook causes me, it also makes me feel like a psycho that I can’t shake this bitterness I’ve been carting around for over 20 years.  And I’m petrified that one day I’ll accept her friend request just so I can write “skanky whore” on her “wall” on Facebook forever tarnishing gina-takes-the-high-road image.  In summary, Facebook is a pain in my ass.

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