la Matriarch

Have you ever noticed that movie stars never seem to give a shit about being old and having babies?  I was reading an article over at Babble this morning about how Jennifer Aniston is nearly 40 and still very much wanting to have a family.  Apparently she’s thinking of adopting since she’s not in a long-term relationship.  Either way, movie star chicks all over the world are 40 and having babies.  As near as I can tell there are 2 things that separate me from them.  Money, and health.

Typically these movie star types are super skinny and seem pretty freakin healthy.  Maybe they’ll live longer or maybe this just makes for an easier conception and pregnancy.  Then there’s the $$$.  Not having to worry about feeding a baby and planning for retirement sure would be nice. 

The other day it hit me that I’d be 80 years old on my child’s 40th birthday if I had a baby today.  Then I started thinking about what my life would be like right now if myparents were 80 and needed me to care for them.  Since my parents live in Nashville, Tennessee and I live in Chicago, Illinois, I’d need to move them here and I’m not sure that would be what either of us would want.  If we had lots of money I could pay a live-in care giver which would be expensive and still require frequent visits to check on them.  Either way, it would be a financial burdeon.

Older movie star moms don’t have to worry about this stuff.  For the most part everybody just thinks they’re cool for waiting so late to have babies.  They never have to experience the horror that I’ve read about where older moms are mistaken for grandmothers or the whispers from friends and family about how selfish it is to have a baby late in life considering the potential embarrassment to the child and higher risk of kicking the bucket way too early in a kids life.  And since they are all rich, basic caring for themselves, their parents and their children is a non-issue.

It’s too bad im not a movie star.

I had a conversation with my guy tonight that scared the fucking life out of me. 

“You’ll be 50 when the child is 8, what if you are just too tired to handle it? My mom is 56 and just wants to sleep all the time.”

There were many other comments that freaked me out but the one about age was the worst.  It’s because there is not a damn thing I can do about it.  I’ll be 41 in October no matter what.  I can’t change that. 

What if I don’t have enough energy?  How do you even determine something like that? 

I don’t think I can do this.

Here are the points of debate:

1. We’re not sure we could let somebody else raise our child but we need two incomes which means daycare is a must.
2. We have different religious beliefs/traditions.
3. The world is evil and we’re not sure if we could watch a child we love try to navigate it.
4. We are both paranoid about the following things that would probably turn out to be a pain in our ass.
   • Vaccines - after listening to Jenny McCarthy I’m convinced they caused her son to be autistic.
   • Meat - we don’t eat it
   • Baby food - I love those cool chicks who make their own but do they work? 
   • Disposable diapers - we wouldn’t want them to end up in landfills but I’m not sure I could stomach laundering cloth diapers.
5. I’m old - who knows if I can even still have kids.